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Make Change with Beginner's Mind

3/26/2017

Do you struggle with resistance? Do you want to release weight, exercise, feel more energetic, but sabotage any efforts toward these goals? Well, if you are human, you're answer will be a resounding "yes." Anytime we try to make changes, the first thing we will encounter is resistance to that change. This is rooted in our survival wiring. In the past, belonging to a tribe was necessary for survival and so, conformity to that tribe was also integral for us. Changing was a threat to our survival.

Today, it isn't but to our ego, it feels as if it is. Anything we try to do that goes against the core beliefs of our ego identity, will cause resistance. The ego prefers familiarity and works hard to keep us in the status quo, not taking any risks, staying small and safe. So, let's say the ego feels that it is dangerous for you to be all you truly are... anything you do that brings you closer to your light and truth, will be vehemently resisted by your ego. In our world, often it truly isn't safe to be the "greatness" that we are. People are threatened by our greatness. So, we often stay small and feel afraid to change. We get the emotional need of belonging met by staying the same.

So, how to do we get past the inevitable resistance of change? What I have found to be helpful is a concept called 'Beginner's Mind.' You see, when you try to make a change, and then you resist it and do the opposite, you get discouraged and feel like a failure, right? What I have found for myself is that if I get rid of the failure/success mindset and instead, put on "Beginner's Mind," eventually, the changes begin to happen naturally as I allow myself to begin again and again and again in order to find out what will work for me. I have found that as I get older, my Self is less and less willing to make shifts that don't work for me or feel in any way depriving or restrictive.

Beginner's mind is a useful strategy that can help us make changes much more easily. The idea behind this strategy is that you take all of the things you know--all of your brilliant opinions, all of your reason and logic, even your cherished beliefs--and you put all this stuff on the shelf for awhile. (Now, mind you, it will all still be there safe and sound when you get back!)

The idea of beginner's mind is that you temporarily set all this aside, on purpose, for a little while, and just go ahead and do whatever it is you are trying to do, a little at a time--no matter how illogical, or insignificant, or meaningless it may seem to be--merely so that you can see what your experience is and just be present for whatever you experience, the resistance, the urge to do the opposite, the challenge of it all, the joy of doing it, the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, the body sensations, just be with what is and experience it as though you are a little child experiencing something for the very first time. Be curious, that is all that is required.

When I was resisting exercise in a big way, instead of giving in totally to the resistance, one day, I put my exercise clothes on and drove to the gym. I sat in the parking lot for a bit and then left. That was my experience that day. The next time I was much less resistant to getting that far and I went into the gym for a little while. I sat in the sauna and then left. I played with my resistance. Soon, it felt so good to get to the gym. I still play with this resistance often, but it is easier. I have experienced enough of the reward of feeling good that it is more often that I do some yoga, go for a walk or get to the gym. I like to move my body and if I don't, I feel pain, so now I am more consistent. But I always use Beginner's Mind. It seems to release all that resistance!!

And whenever I find myself back in the resistance (it will happen!!), because I don't see it as failure, I just begin again, again and again and again. And that my friends, is life!!

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach working towards her Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at maria@mariarippo.com.

Interested in working with me? Make a complimentary consultation appointment here http://www.mariarippo.com/book-an-appointment.html

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How to Make a Big Change in One Minute or Less

10/19/2016

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   If you are like me, change feels overwhelming, like, you have to change everything to change anything. Do you feel like making changes means not having fun, deprivation, restriction? I'm Maria and I'm a self-sabotage researcher. Most of my research is done in the field, if you know what I mean... I am my own best research subject.

   There is so much that goes into changing, but it does not have to feel arduous and depriving. I imagine you're already all too familiar with the pain of staying the same, right? So, here's the deal. Discomfort is going to happen either way. But, what if change meant only being uncomfortable for one minute at a time, could you handle that?

   You see, our brains have a quality known as plasticity. That means they can change. Our habits create neural grooves like water running in one direction might create a stream or a river. If we want to divert that stream or river, we can, but we have to redirect the water. Change involves learning new skills, healing old belief patterns and having lots of courage and... one minute.

   Ok, are you curious? Here's the deal. Anytime you try to do anything that goes against your belief system about yourself, resistance is going to come alive. When I have tried to give up coffee, instead of giving it up, somehow I find myself drinking twice as much. You with me? Trying to give it up doesn't work so well for me. So, what I found to be effective is to invite the resistance. Get to know it. Befriend it. Welcome it. And get curious about it. Watch it. Get intimate with resistance instead of resisting the resistance.

   In the past, when I'd give up coffee and all of sudden realize I'm drinking more than I was before I tried to give it up, I'd use that as ammunition against my own self, "See, you can't get anything right. You are just incapable. You moron." Sound familiar? Well, this only drove me deeper into my shame.

   What I've learned to do instead is to take a one minute mindfulness 'retreat.' I take one step back and watch the whole process. Instead of believing those voices and burying myself in a gallon of despair (chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream), I can observe what is going on. It can be quite funny. I have actually caught myself in a dialogue with food. I have given food an actual voice. Damn, food is seductive! It would relentlessly call my name and seduce me into believing it was my salvation. And I'd fall right back in love, every.single.time, like an abused spouse, believing my abuser was really going to change this time, only to emerge bruised and broken one more time, and another, and another and another...

   I used to punish myself after one of these episodes. "You can't have anything that you enjoy now. You are going off coffee, wine, chocolate, sugar, carbs, cooked food..." And I'd actually do that. I'd deprive myself right into total obsession with food where I couldn't think a thought that wasn't a fantasy about having everything I'd kept myself from eating. I'd also spend so much time creating all this amazing raw-food goodness. If I weren't thinking about it, I was spending time preparing it. ALL.OF.MY.TIME. This is called, NOT LIVING. I mean, imagine what could happen if I put all that time into creating my big life?

   So, I began to observe it all. Honestly, it was a shit show! I began hearing how mean I actually was to myself. If I talked to anyone else that way, they'd run and never, ever want to talk to me again. So, instead of running from those voices, I began taking a minute, just one, and observing all of them and actually welcoming them. I began to realize that the voices I heard after my episodes of perceived failure were the keys to unlock the door to the change I wanted to experience.

   The thing is, when we decide to make a change, we are often stuck in black and white thinking. At first, maybe change is fun. But then doom and gloom set in and we go back to our ingrained habits, the old neural pathways still strong, (and by the way, change never feels fun to me. The second I decide to change is the second I start doing much more of the thing I set out to stop doing). The minute we go back, we feel we've ruined it all and we might as well throw in the towel. And then that voice sings its usual song, "You idiot. You should not have even tried. What's wrong with you? Why even try? You're such a loser." And so our old, comfortable ways rock us back into the illusion that staying the same is just easier.

But if you have a minute, you can interrupt this pattern. There is a technical term for this one minute adventure. It's called the PAUSE. In that pause lies the key to your healing. Listen to the voices. They are the voices of your wounding and in order for you to move beyond this cycle, that shame must be healed. Underneath this shame is the truth of who you are. You are already whole, acceptable, lovable, capable, worthy, deserving and perfect just the way you are.

   What purpose does this shame serve? It is there to keep you safe and small, free from taking any risks and it's biggest tactic is keeping the status quo. So, every time you try to change, this 'safety' is threatened and the security guard in the watchtower sees change as a threat to your survival and calls in the army of shame to keep you from making one more move! This is the survival mechanism's intelligence at work. You see, in times past, if you were not a member of a tribe, you could not survive. So, you had to conform to the ways of the tribe in order to be a part of them. Change threatened your very survival. Although connection and belonging is a survival need still and we very much need to belong and feel connected, our physical survival is not longer dependent on this and we are now free to be who we are, believe our own beliefs and live freely. So, we invite this tactic to do it's thing, and we step back and we observe it!

   In doing so, we begin to dis-identify with our shame-self, false self or what I like to call, The Faults Self (the part of us that believes in all of our 'faults') and heal those shame beliefs on a subconscious level. Until then, anything that threatens the validity of those beliefs will be met with resistance, you will sabotage your efforts and your shame will be validated, by you and you'll be at the bottom of that gallon of despair before one minute is up.

Something else to consider observing in this minute is what this change means to you. And what the current behavior means to you. What does replacing this behavior with a different one mean to you? What would be different for you if you made this change? What does it feel like to experience a new behavior? What does it feel like to keep acting out this behavior. Just be curious. What happens when we are curious instead of critical is that we can begin to respond, rather than react. We give ourselves a little time between the thought of doing something and actually doing it and the magic begins to happen in this pause.

Let's try this together!

I'd love to hear your thoughts if you try this. Comment below to share your experience!

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach working towards her Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at maria@mariarippo.com.

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Mindfulness Practice for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

6/12/2016

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      Overcoming self-sabotage and resistance to change is about connecting with what is really happening in our lives that the sabotage is distracting us from. The real purpose of self-sabotaging behaviors are to prevent us from feeling the discomfort of our emotions.

     Our inner saboteur is the wounded part of us that works to protect us at all times. Its motivation is the avoidance of pain. It gets the illusion of power through having a sense of control at all costs. When we find ourselves sabotaging, we might ask the question, "What is it that makes me feel powerless, helpless, out of control and with no choices?" And, "How does this behavior keep me from having to feel how I really feel?"

     We don’t live in a culture that promotes the identification, expression and processing of our emotions. When it comes to disordered eating behavior, Dr. Anita Johnston explains it this way,

     Disordered eating thoughts and behaviors are, by design, created to distract us from emotions that seem too painful, too overwhelming, too complicated, or too frightening to deal with directly. As awful as it may be to “feel fat”, it can sometimes be easier to keep those feelings at bay by focusing on body weight, by stuffing them down with food, by distracting ourselves with calorie counting, or by exercising excessively -- if we don’t know how to allow the full force of uncomfortable emotions to flow through us.

     We live in an emotionally illiterate culture where very few of us are taught how to experience our feelings with ease. It is often difficult for us to simply BE with our feelings so they can pass on their own accord. It is even more difficult to express them in a way that honors how we really feel -- while simultaneously honoring the feelings and perceptions of others with whom we might be in conflict. So is it any wonder we would gravitate to whatever might distract us from our uncomfortable emotions? Is it any wonder that we would develop thoughts and behaviors that keep difficult feelings hidden – from ourselves and from others?

     Food obsessions and disordered eating behaviors are very effective at keeping disconcerting emotions that arise from current situations or from painful memories out of our awareness. That is their function. The relief they provide, however, is only temporary, because if we continuously place our attention on thoughts about food, fat, and dieting without recognizing they are Red Herrings, those real problems to which our emotional guidance system is trying alert us never get revealed – and, consequently, never get resolved.

       In order to become aware of and feel our feelings, the practice of mindfulness is very effective. This is something you can do on your own, in the moment when you notice the urge to sabotage or notice resistance to making changes. Whenever you decide to try something other than what you’ve been doing, resistance will come alive. It is normal and it is not a sign of your incapability to change, or your defectiveness. It is simply your survival mechanism, working hard to prevent you from feeling discomfort. Change is not comfortable, so there is a part of you that will push back…every time. So, we want to learn to work with the pushback instead of seeing the resistance as proof we ought not make the change we want to make.

        How do we do this? According to John Kabat-Zinn, “The cultivation of mindfulness (is) a radical act ̶ a radical act of sanity, of self-compassion, and, ultimately, of love.” Mindfulness is “becoming aware of what is on our minds from moment to moment, and of how our experience is transformed when we do.” “It involves finding, recognizing, and making use of that in us which is already okay, already beautiful, already whole by virtue of our being human ̶ and drawing upon it to live our lives as if it really mattered how we stand in relationship to what arises, whatever it is.” Kabat-Zinn explains that our perceptions affect the amount of energy that we have to put into making choices about where to use that energy. For example, if we feel completely overwhelmed in life and that the efforts we are making aren’t really making a difference, this can lead to feelings of “inadequacy, depression and helplessness.” Everything feels out of our control so we end up becoming apathetic and give up even wanting to try. He explains that each of us experiences the ‘full catastrophe of life.’ This includes “crisis and disaster, the unthinkable and the unacceptable, but it also includes all the little things that go wrong and that add up.” Mindfulness helps us embrace the full catastrophe so that it doesn’t destroy us or rob us of our power or hope. Instead, using mindfulness, these experiences can strengthen us, and offer us the opportunity to heal and grow.

     When it comes to self-sabotage, for me, the most important step in the mindfulness process is the noticing. This is where the practice begins. We set an intention to notice the urge to participate in the self-sabotaging behavior. Once this feels comfortable, we then notice the urge and then pause. The magic for me starts here, with the noticing and the pause. It seems such a simple concept, but in reality, this is exactly the part that part of you is going to resist. In the pause, you will hear the voice campaign. If you’ve seen The Matrix, for me, the voices are the ‘agents,’ doing everything in their power to create fear and to keep us asleep to reality, keep us stuck in the status quo of familiarity.

     So, in the pause, begin to listen. What are the voices telling you? Write it down. Notice what they say, without judgment, as though you are just a reporter, stating the facts. And then, notice what you feel in your body. What sensations do you notice? Is there tightness in your chest, heaviness in your gut, constriction in your throat? What is happening in your body? Again, simply notice without judgment. If you notice judgment such as shame, guilt, fear, just notice that as well. And now begin to notice what emotions you feel. Are you sad, lonely, afraid, angry, hurt, ashamed, guilty? Again, just noticing the qualities of these emotions and allowing yourself to be with them without trying to change them or make them go away. Just simply acknowledging that they are there. Notice any blame you might have of yourself or others. Again, no judgment, just noticing. And now, notice what it is that you need. So often, when my clients do this exercise, they are feeling an empty and never-ending black hole inside of them. I'm familiar with that place as well. Maybe we all feel this? An intense emptiness. A deep longing for connection. A yearning desire to matter, that someone cares, to feel included, to be understood, to be noticed, seen and heard. Whatever your preferred method of sabotage is, the behavior or substance may feel like the only thing that is reliably there. There is a never-ending grasping for a nurturing that it can never truly give. This must come into the awareness if one is to move beyond the sabotaging behaviors.

      There is a saying, “What we think about, we bring about,” or “what we focus on expands.” So, the next step in this process would be to redirect the attention. If we sit and think about how chocolate is the only thing that will make me feel better right now, eventually, that belief will win out and chocolate or ___________, will be had and soon, we will be right back where we began, with an even deeper sense of defeat.

      So, this is where the intentional thought shifting practice comes into importance if change is the desired outcome. This may not be appropriate at the beginning as self-sabotage, in my experience, has been serving an important purpose of numbing the pain of life. So, we often need a lot of support in this process. If you find that you try this technique, or any of the others offered here and you continue in your behaviors, for me, that is a sign that your pain is deep and intense and it would be best to do this with a trained professional such as a hypnotherapist, who will be able to hold sacred space for you as you navigate the healing process.

            As one becomes comfortable with the noticing, and then the pausing and the non-judgmental, mindful awareness of what is happening in the moment, then it may be appropriate to practice the redirecting of attention. This simply involves intentionally moving yourself somewhere else and placing your thoughts on something other than the behavior that sabotages your goals. You can shift your thoughts to what you do want in your life and choose an activity that brings you closer to experiencing that. I had to physically leave my house many times for a couple hours, until the desire to sabotage settled. This was very helpful! I tended to eat when I wasn’t hungry and really didn’t even know what physical hunger felt like. So, I’d leave my house and take my kids to the park, go for a walk, go shopping, get together with a friend (and not eat), etc…and wait until I could feel physical hunger before I ate. Redirecting attention is simply shifting your awareness away from your substance or behavior of sabotage choice. Physically move away from the situation, and put your focus elsewhere. I’ve heard it said, “Your mind is a terrible master, but a wonderful servant.” Only by mindful observation, can we take charge of where our thoughts are, rather than being controlled by and believing their illusions.

            It is a well-known fact that we often need to hit rock bottom before we are inspired to move from surviving to thriving. We have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired which is the catalyst for a new experience. The saboteur is in pain. Pain is the catalyst for healing. In order to heal self-sabotaging behavior, what if feeling and processing the pain is paramount?

Sources:

Light of the Moon Café, www.lightofthemooncafe.com, Dr. Anita Johnston.

Full-Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, John Kabat-Zinn.

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach working towards her Master's and PsyD in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at maria@mariarippo.com.

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Am I Codependent?

5/23/2016

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Codependence has donned a variety of descriptions over the years. In the 1980's, it was more commonly used to refer to someone in a relationship with an addict. Currently it is used to describe a loss of sense of self or a disturbance in one's identity or ability to experience intimacy with oneself or another. Common to its core are suppression of feelings and pleasing others at the expense of one's own needs and desires in order to stay in relationship. Another aspect of codependency is blaming shifting onto others, meaning, making others responsible for how I am experiencing life. If I don't have money, it's someone else's fault. If I can't get a good job, someone else is to blame. My relationship isn't working, it's because of my partner, etc...

Connection and sense of belonging are basic human needs. A codependent person is one who has learned that for them, connection with another human being, means not being able to get their own emotional and/or physical needs met and yet, they have to have connection, so the connection itself becomes the focus and not getting other needs met, is secondary. A codependent person, on a subconscious level, doesn’t believe they deserve to have needs and therefore, will become whatever they perceive that others need them to be in order to be in relationship.

“Codependency is a construct introduced in the 1980s to describe a wide range of relational behaviors that inhibit personal functioning. The codependency movement began within the substance abuse treatment movement with the recognition that not only alcoholics but also the families of alcoholics required treatment." (Krestan & Bepko, 1990). Starting in the mid 1980s, the concept of codependency was extended to anyone who became involved in dysfunctional relationships. Currently, the Proto typical characteristics of a codependent are extreme dependence on and preoccupation with another person, regardless of whether that other person is a substance abuser.” (Cowan, 1995, p. 221 )

Yet another definition of codependency is that not only is it a dependency on others, but also on compulsive behaviors. “Codependency is a pattern of painful dependence on compulsive behaviors and on approval from others in an attempt to find safety, self-worth, and identity.” (Treadway, 1990, p. 39 - 42)

In an article titled, Codependency and the Eating-Disorder client in the Journal, Nursing Clinics of North America, the term codependency is defined as “an adjustment reaction, which may become a developmental disorder, in which persistent patterns of learned, self-defeating behaviors, characterized by denial of one’s own feelings, beliefs, or values, are continually repeated without insight.” (Riley, 1991, 765)

In my own experience of codependency, I lacked the knowledge that I was worthy of having needs and lacked even more knowledge of how to get them met in a healthy way. Underlying this was a belief that I needed others to take care of me because I was not enough to take care of myself. I truly believed that the source of my own suffering was my circumstances as well as my husband and his behavior and yet, I felt completely powerless to do anything about it and felt I had no other choice than to keep the status quo and somehow be content. “In an article from the book Co-Dependency, An Emerging Issue, Robert Subby wrote codependency is "an emotional, psychological, and behavioral condition that develops as a result of an individual's prolonged exposure to, and practice of, a set of oppressive rules - rules which prevent the open expression of feeling as well as the direct discussion of personal and interpersonal problems.’” (Beattie, 1992, p. 30)

Earnie Larsen, another codependency specialist and a pioneer in that field, explains that codependency is "those self-defeating, learned behaviors or character defects that result in a diminished capacity to initiate or to participate in loving relationships." (Beattie, 1992, p. 30) Melody Beattie, a codependency expert and author of Codependent No More, says that, “A codependent person is one who has let another person's behavior affect him or her, and who is obsessed with controlling the other person's behavior.” (Beattie, 1992, p. 34) In my experience, this is not happening on a conscious level. It is truly a cry to get emotional needs met, but the tools to do so are lacking so the codependent person subconsciously tries to ‘force’ others to meet their needs through guilt, neediness or abuse.
So, we’ve moved from believing that a person must be exposed to abuse or addiction in order to become codependent, to realizing that all a person really needs, in order to take on the characteristics of codependence, is oppressive rules, someone else telling them what is good for them and not allowing them to have choice and set healthy limits and boundaries as well as a general loss of their sense of self. This may happen in any relationship and often can come from the experience in the family of origin.

In my work with clients as well as in my training at the Wellness Institute, I’ve come to believe that helping ourselves and our clients become aware of and heal their codependence is foundational for healing. The following is Diane Zimberoff’s Definition, from her article titled, Codependency and Compulsive Addictive Behavior.
"What is codependency? It is two or more people coming together who are not in themselves whole. A child who is raised in a family where he/she does not receive all the nurturing needed to grow up strong and healthy and complete; a child who is raised in a family where the parents are obviously not in control of their lives; a child who is raised in a family where the victim triangle is played and everyone at some point feels like the victim. This is a codependent family. Then this child grows up (physically but not always emotionally) and marries someone who also is not complete inside.

What is the difference between a codependent person and someone else? A good analogy is a tree. If you plant two trees next to each other, but treat them differently, they will grow differently. For example, if you give one tree all the proper nutrients, water and sunlight, this tree will grow up healthy: it will flourish and produce abundantly. If the other tree does not receive the needed nutrients, sunlight and water, it will grow but not be as hardy and will not produce as abundantly. If it doesn’t receive any nutrients it will wither and die.
A codependent person is like the tree which did not receive the proper nutrients. And the degree of which the nutrients were absent is the degree of the codependency: the degree to which the person becomes dependent on drugs, alcohol, food or a relationship. This is what addiction is based on. It is that tree constantly trying to “soak up” the nutrients that have been missing for years. Frantically searching for the “proper ingredients” so that it can flourish and produce abundantly like the well tree.

When an unhealthy tree turns to another unhealthy tree for support, they will lean on each other and collapse. This is what happens with two codependent people who marry. They become more and more dependent on each other and begin to lean on each other. As they lean on each other their branches become so entwined that soon you can no longer tell which is which. Their individuality becomes so tangled up that they themselves don’t know where one ends and the other begins. Eventually, one or both collapse from the weight of both.

The collapse can take the form of stress-related symptoms: alcohol, drug, tobacco or food abuse. It can take form of a nervous breakdown, physical illness or just constant daily pressures that seem to build up. It may take years to become even vaguely aware that there is a problem. The reason for this is that to a codependent, codependency is so normal and feels so familiar that he/she assumes this is the way it should be." (Zimberoff 2015, p. 2)

Similarly, the Twelve Steps of Adult Children Workbook defines codependency as, “constantly looking outside of ourselves for love, affirmation, and attention from people who cannot provide it. At the same time, we (codependents) believe that we are not truly worthy of love or attention. In our view, codependence is driven by childhood fear and distorted thinking known as para-alchoholism. We choose dependent people who abandon us and lack clarity in their own lives because it matches our childhood experiences.” (Twelve Steps of ACA Workbook, p. 6) It explains that “the main problem is a mistaken belief that we could have changed our parents.” (Twelve Steps of ACA Workbook, p. 6). It explains that a codependent person has confused love with pity and tend to pity those they can rescue. Codependent people are drawn to people that seem familiar and so they find dysfunctional people and “attempt to heal them or cure them.” (Twelve Steps of ACA Workbook, p. 6)

There are nine core symptoms of codependency. They are: Abandonment fears, lack of self-esteem, shame, unhealthy boundaries, addictions/compulsions, need to control, poor sense of identity, confusion over needs and wants, and family of origin issues. In my own experience of being codependent and traveling the journey of healing it, the sense of helplessness and powerless I experienced, caused me to seek some form of control in my life. I played the role of victim quite skillfully and had many caretakers in my life. I turned to food and exercise because it felt like the only thing I could control. It also served as a distraction from my total sense of helplessness to change anything about my life and on top of that, I was being taught to be content and joyful no matter what, in spite of my circumstances, so I didn’t realize I was allowed to feel how I really felt. I interpreted that as, ‘do nothing about my circumstances and just be happy.’ The only thing that felt happy was being able to control what my body looked like and the food I ate. I got pleasure from eating and it seemed as though every moment of my day was consumed by thoughts of having a perfect body and what food I was going to or not going to eat next.

I also felt totally responsible for other people’s experience of me and of life. I’d do anything to make sure others liked and accepted me. I’d hide my opinions, I looked how I thought they’d like, I was nice, I was funny, I was agreeable, I’d do anything to avoid conflict, but I wasn’t true to my own self. All of this caused immense anxiety and I was eventually diagnosed with manic depression. As I look back now, it makes so much sense that I felt empty and powerless so I turned to food and exercise as my ‘drug of choice’, to try to numb out that feeling.

For me, codependency is about not knowing how to get our needs met in a healthy way. As children, if we grow up in dysfunction where our basic needs cannot be met in healthy ways, we brilliantly learn how to somehow get paid attention to either by being overly demanding and controlling, being helpless and needy or by taking care of others while not getting our own needs met. (See my article on Transforming the Victim Triangle) Often times, the ‘others’ are our parents. We come to believe that it’s our job to make everything ok for our parents and please them any way we can. Codependency is taking responsibility for other people’s experience of life or making others responsible for ours. When we are codependent, we feel powerless because our life is dependent on how others react to us and what our circumstances are and we are left feeling that in order to have a new experience of life, others, or our circumstances need to change.

This is not reality though. In order to experience change, we must change how we are experiencing life. We do this through finding and healing the wounds in our heart, in our spirit, in our soul. Until we do so, we will feel powerless and we’ll have a need to use some form of ‘medication’ to numb ourselves. The best way I've found to this is with an experienced coach or therapist who can help you find and heal your hidden wounds and beliefs, to reclaim your true self and to experience relationships that are interdependent rather than codependent, where you are honored for being you, not made responsible for how others feel, and you largely know that you have everything you need in order to be responsible for your experience of life.

Sources

Beattie, M. (1992). Codependent no more: How to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself. Center City, Minnesota: Hazleden Foundation.

Cowan, G., Bommersbach, M., & Curtis, S. (1995). Codependency, Loss Of Self, And Power. Psychology of Women Quarterly Psychol of Women Q, 221-236.

Hartman, D. (2014). Codependency. Internship Weekend 1 (Sept. 2014) by The Wellness Institute in Issaquah, WA, USA.

Hartman, D. (2013). Eating Disorders: Signs and Symptoms. 6 Day Hypnotherapy Training (May, 2013) by The Wellness Institute in Issaquah, WA, USA.

Krestan, J., & Bepko, C. (1990). Codependency: The social reconstruction of female experience. Smith College Studies in Social Work, 216-232.

Mellody, P., & Miller, A. (1989). Facing codependence: What it is, where it comes from, how it sabotages our lives. San Francisco: Perennial Library.

Miller, K. D. (1991) Compulsive Overeating. The Nursing Clinics of North America, 26(3), 699-705.

Morgan, Jr. J. (1991). What is Codependence? Journal of Clinical Psychology. 47(5). 720 – 729.

O'brien, P., & Gaborit, M. (1992). Codependency: A disorder separate from chemical dependency. J. Clin. Psychol. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 129-136.

Riley, Elizabeth, A. (1991) Codependency and the Eating-Disorder Client. The Nursing Clinics of North America, 26(3), 765-775.

Roth, G. (2002). Feeding the hungry heart: The experience of compulsive eating. New York: Plume.

Subby, R. (1984). Inside the Chemically Dependent Marrige: Denial and Manipulation. In Cruse, S., & Dependence, I. (1984). Co-dependency, an emerging issue: A book of readings reprinted from FOCUS on FAMILY and chemical dependency. Pompano Beach, FL: Health Communications.

The twelve steps of adult children: Steps workbook. (2007). Torrance, CA: Adult Children of Alcoholics World Service Organization.

Treadway, D., (1990). Codependency: Disease, metaphor, or fad? Family Therapy Networker, 14(1), 39-42.

Zimberoff, D. (2014). Codependency and Compulsive-Addictive Behavior. Internship Weekend 1 (Sept. 2014) by The Wellness Institute in Issaquah, WA, USA.

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach, working towards her Master's and PsyD in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at maria@mariarippo.com.

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Alive and Full of Life Guided Visualization for Healthy Habits

5/22/2016

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Your subconscious mind is 90 - 95% of your mind. So often, we rely on our conscious mind in order to make changes, but our habits are programmed in our subconscious mind. I created this guided visualization for health and vitality to help reprogram your subconscious mind so you can make supportive changes in your life. Listen daily to change the experience you have with yourself about making life-giving shifts!

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach, working towards her Master's and PsyD in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human figuring out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at maria@mariarippo.com.

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Eliminate Cravings with Amino Acids

5/20/2016

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So you're trying to make changes. You're using hypnosis, mindful eating, and all the will-power you can muster up, your habits are changing, but the cravings monster is still alive and well inside of you. I know how you feel! Even though I am a hypnotherapist, specializing in healing emotional eating, and have had HUGE changes in my neural programming around food, my body and the healing of my own emotional eating, there are still times when something like a glass of wine or a cup of coffee seems to call my name until I give in to its illusion of happiness... like, a lot of times.

I see massive shifts in my clients too. But, there seemed to be a missing link, a physiological issue pulling them at times, to go back to their old ways and sometimes, its irresistible, and its frustrating for them and they get sucked back into a binge or eating foods that no longer serve them and keep them stuck right where they don't want to be.

This left me scratching my head for answers. I had read The Diet Cure a while back but the information seemed confusing. I recently got a book by the same author, Julia Ross, called The Mood Cure. I then purchased her program on healing addictions and I am becoming more and more convinced that amino acids can make a huge difference in the ability to make lasting changes. I've been experimenting with them with my clients and am seeing amazing things happen.

According to Ross, the first important thing to ask yourself is what is your substance of choice doing for you? Is it calming? Is it numbing your emotional pain? Do you use it to de-stress? To escape? Is it an upper? A Downer? How is it that you feel while thinking about, partaking in and after using this substance?

And next, what substances do you turn to for reasons other than physical hunger? Coffee, chocolate, processed carbohydrates, salty foods, sweet foods, starchy foods, fatty foods, artificially sweetened products. What mood states are you looking for these substances to give you?

The fact is that you use (these substances) to feel better, not to wreck your life or anyone else's. Don't let shame keep you from exploring why you use them... It doesn't matter, at first, which specific mood-coping substance is your problem. What matter is how that substance changes your mood chemistry. Does it give you a lift, an energy surge? Does it give you confidence or a sense of humor? Does it relax you, take the edge off,, or allow you to go to sleep?

Following are Ross's findings and can be found in both of her books I've mentioned. I highly recommend both if you struggle with cravings.

If you overeat to help you cope, you might benefit from taking D-Phenylalanine (DPA) or, if you need energy, DL-Phenylalanine (DLPA) along with L-Glutamine. If you still need more energy, add L-Tyrosine. Adding 5-HTP can be helpful as well for PM cravings. With amino acids, you start with a lower dose. If you don't notice immediate differences in levels of cravings and desire to binge, you can begin to increase your dose.

You can take 500 - 1500 mg of L-Glutamine 3x per day to stop sweet, starch and alcohol cravings. You can also take this when you notice a craving, to stop it. If this is the case, simply open the capsule and dump the contents into your mouth.
Amino acids should be taken 1/2 hour before or an hour and a half, after meals to be the most effective. Take this upon arising in the morning, between breakfast and lunch and between lunch and dinner or at time of craving.

500 mg of DPA or DLPA can be taken at the same time as the L-Glutamine to give you a sense of comfort and pleasure.

5-HTP, 50 mg especially if sleep is an issue, can be taken between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner and at bedtime. If you still can't fall asleep within 15 minutes, take another.

Also, brain chemistry is very important to consider. If you use substances to relieve depression, you may be low in serotonin. Symptoms might include: negativity, depression with dark thoughts, worried, anxious, shy, low self-esteem, obsessive thoughts, obsessive behaviors, SAD, PMS moodiness, irritable, impatient, angry, panic/anxiety, PTSD, phobias, hate hot weather, night owl, insomnia, find relief through exercise, fibromyalgia, TMJ, suicidal thoughts/plans. If you tend to relieve these symptoms through sweets, starches, fatty foods, chocolate, alcohol, marijuana, tobacco or Ecstasy than you might benefit from taking 5-HTP or L-Tryptophan.

If you have the kind of depression that you might describe as the "blahs," you might be low in catecholemines. The symptoms might include lack of physical or mental energy, lack of drive, enthusiasm, difficulty focusing/concentrating, need a lot of sleep, slow to wake up, easily chilled, cold hands or feet, tend to put on weight easily. And the substances that tend to feel helpful are sugar, chocolate, caffeine, aspartame, alcohol, cocaine, other uppers, marijuana, tobacco, and opiates. If this is you, you might benefit from trying L-Tyrosine, L-phenylalanine, Omega 3 fatty acids and SAM-e.

If you use addictive substances to calm down or relieve stress, you may be GABA deficient. The symptoms may include feeling driven, overworked, pressured, too many deadlines, have trouble relaxing or loosening up, tend to be stiff, uptight, tense, easily upset or frustrated, snappy, easily overwhelmed, just can't get it all done, weak, shaky, sensitive to bright light, noise, and/or odors, use smoking, drinking, eating, or drugs to relax, calm down, worse if you skip meals or go too long without eating. And the substances you tend to use might include sweets, starches, alcohol, tobacco, marijuana, painkillers, tranquilizers. You might benefit from GABA, taurine, glycine, glutamine, chromium, and adrenal support.

If you use substances to relieve emotional and/or physical pain, you might be low in endorphins. Symptoms might include: being very sensitive to emotional or physical pain, tear up or cry easily, avoid dealing with painful issues, find it hard to get over losses or get through grieving, crave pleasure, comfort, reward, enjoyment or numbing. The substances you use may include: sweets, starches, chocolate, alcohol or tobacco, heroin, or marijuana. You may benefit from using DL-Phenylalanine (DLPA), D-Phenylalanine (DPA), B Vitamins, Vitamin C, magnesium, and 5-HTP.

In addition, its important to support your body nutritionally. You can do this by taking a multi-vitamin/mineral supplement. Email maria@mariarippo.com for my recommendations on brand. Calcium 250 - 500 mg/day, Magnesium 200 - 400 mg/day, Vitamin D, 400 IU minimum/day, B Complex 10 - 25 mm, Vitamin C with bioflavonoids (1,000mg Vitamin C and 300 - 500 mg bioflavonoids) and fish oil.

For many addicts, sugar/processed carbs, especially, you probably are low in all of these brain chemicals and will benefit from taking all of them. On page 127, in The Diet Cure, Ross recommends the following dosages:

To stop sweet cravings, and enhance relaxation:
L-Glutamine, 500mg - 1500mg upon arising, between breakfast and lunch and between lunch and dinner.

To destress and relax muscles:
GABA, 100 - 500 mg or GABA with taurine and glycine, 100 - 300 mg between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner and at bedtime.

To energize and focus:
L-Tyrosine, 500 - 2,000mg upon arising, between breakfast and lunch, and between lunch and dinner.

To enhance feelings of comfort and pleasure and to reduce pain:
DLPA or DPA 500 - 1000 mg upon arising, between breakfast and lunch and between lunch and dinner.

To improve mood, sleep and PM Cravings:
5-HTP, 50 - 100 mg or L-Tryptophan, 500 - 1000 mg (if one doesn't work, try the other) between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and dinner and at bedtime.

800 mg of SAM-e can be taken upon arising and between breakfast and lunch.

Ross list the precautions for taking amino acids as follows:

If you have high blood pressure, consult a physician before taking tyrosine, DL-phenylalanine, or L-phenylalanine.

If you take MAO inhibitors, consult a physician before taking tyrosine, DL-phenylalanine, or L-phenylalanine.

If you take MAO inhibitors for depression, consult a physician before taking L-tryptophan, or 5-HTP.

If you have an overactive thyroid, consult a physician before taking tyrosine, DL-phenylalanine or L-phenylalanine.

If you have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, consult a physician before taking tyrosine, DL-phenylalanine, or L-phenylalanine.

If you have PKU, consult a physician before taking tyrosine, DL-phenylalanine, or L-phenylalanine.

If you get migraine headaches, consult a physician before taking tyrosine, DL-phenylalanine, or L-phenylalanine or 5-HTP.

If you have melanoma, consult a physician before taking tyrosine.

If you take SSRIs, consult a physician before taking L-tryptophan or 5-HTP.

If you have manic depression (bipolar), consult a physician before taking L-glutamine as it can lift depression, but trigger mania.

If you have low blood pressure, consult a physician before taking GABA, taurine or niacin.

Amino acids do not need to be taken long term. If you begin to get symptoms such as headache, jittery, etc... discontinue use. If symptoms return, add one amino acid back in at a time to see which one is giving you symptoms. After one month, try going skipping a dose and going off one amino at a time to see how you feel. If not, no need to keep taking them. Do the same at two and three months. Amino acids are foods and not medication. They are safe! But, everyone can react to anything, so just see how your body reacts. Once you go off of them, keep them around for short-term use when needed.

As always, start slow. Take 1,000 mg Vit. C such as Emergen C right away if you have a negative reaction. Discontinue use if you experience discomfort. If you have serious illness or are on medications, consult your physician before taking amino acids. And, to be on the safe side, run you plan by your doctor before you begin any new program, including adding amino acids into your regimen!

It's important to eat plenty of high quality protein, fats and vegetables while taking your amino acids. Always accompany amino acids with a good multivitamin and mineral supplement as well as a B complex.

If you do not get significant relief from amino acid supplementation, you may want to have your adrenals and thyroid tested. Another consideration might be candida and gut disbiosis. And something to test for if you are an alcoholic or sugar addict is a condition called pyroluria. It is common among folks with mood problems, and alcoholism/sugar addiction. Excess pyrrols deplete levels of zinc, vitamin B6, niacin, pantothenic acid and manganese.

You can contact me for more information about this condition and to be tested for it. You can also find all of the information in The Mood Cure on page 303. If you are sugar addicted, it is highly recommended you find out if pyroluria is the cause. The test is inexpensive and the condition is curable. This condition will prevent full response to nutrient intervention. maria@mariarippo.com

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach, but mostly, she is a human figuring out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at maria@mariarippo.com.

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Ready to Make a Shift? Begin with Noticing...

4/12/2016

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     For me, when I’m learning a new habit, integrating the new habit is not always the most challenging part.

     Often, pressing the ‘pause’ button, to notice when I go toward the old habit, is the most challenging part. Often, when I’m teaching a client to ask themselves, “Am I Hungry?,” before they eat (just to find out if they are actually physically hungry, or if they are just craving to eat) the first thing we work on, the first week, is the noticing: noticing when the urge to eat hits, noticing the hunger level, noticing the thoughts at the moment that urge comes, noticing the feelings and emotions. For me, the magic is in the noticing.

In my own experience, this is also the most frustrating step, because after all, those darn habits are so habitual that I can be halfway through an old habit pattern before my conscious awareness even realizes it!!

     You see, our habits exist in our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is like a tape recorder. It records our thoughts and beliefs and plays them over and over and over. Those thoughts and beliefs become actions and repetitive actions become habits. It doesn’t stop to decide whether an action is good or bad. It functions automatically. The subconscious part of your mind is operating whenever you are doing any kind of activity that you’ve done many times such as driving a car or getting dressed in the morning. And thank goodness because can you imagine if every time you went to take a shower it were as if you’d never done it before? What if you had to think, “OK, now put your hand out. Next, open the shampoo bottle. Now turn it upside down and squeeze it?” We rely very much on the subconscious mind. I invite you to think of the subconscious mind like a garden and you are the gardener. The seeds that we plant in it are our thoughts that we think repetitively. Those repetitive thoughts and beliefs lead to our repetitive behaviors.

One way that we can interrupt a repetitive pattern is to bring awareness to it, to notice it.

  I like to think of curiosity and awareness as the ‘magic wand’ of transformation and change. So, when you are beginning your journey of moving beyond a habit that no longer serves you, begin with noticing. Then move to curiosity. Allow yourself time and give yourself lots of grace. If you find you are halfway through (or all the way, for that matter) a habit before you notice what you are doing, it’s ok, just notice, without judgment and allow yourself to be human. Set your intention to notice sooner the next time. And soon, you’ll be noticing the urge to participate in the habit and this is where the magic really begins!

Non-judgmental awareness … noticing … is transformative on so many levels.

     And if a part of you is resistant to the noticing, allow yourself to be willing to notice. Or, go further and allow yourself to be willing, to be willing, to be willing to notice. Start where you are. If you are resistant, try setting an intention to notice and become curious about the resistance. What does it feel like? What are your thoughts? Where is it in your body? Is there an emotion you can sense? What might it say if it had a voice? What is it that I am truly hungry for? What do I want from this habit that it really can’t give to me? What would I have to feel if I didn't engage in this habit right now? How is this habit serving me? How is not serving me? What might happen if you simply welcomed the resistance and sent love to the part of you that is resisting, and just start there? Notice what you find without judgment, or if you have judgments, just notice those too. Acknowledge them as judgments rather than truths! Welcome them, all of it, as messengers, here to assist you in the process of your transformation, of allowing your True Essence to shine brightly.

Most importantly, have fun. Curiosity tends to bring a sense of playfulness and that's a good thing!

   So, how does resistance and self-sabotage show up for you? What have you found helpful? Comment below. I'd love to hear from you!

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Recipe for Practicing Awareness

2/7/2016

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Why would we want to practice awareness and what is it? The reason I practice awareness is that it brings me to the present moment. When I'm not in the present moment, aware of what is, I am believing a story about "I'm not enough, I can't, I shouldn't...." and a myriad of other stories that keep me where I don't want to be. When I practice awareness, I become an observer of my stories rather than the leading role in them. As long as I believe my stories, change won't happen.

What I love so much about awareness is that it causes me to be much kinder to myself, rather than critical. It helps me be curious, rather than self-crucifying. It gives me permission to practice and not be attached to 'getting it right,' but instead being ok with whatever I'm observing and patiently bringing myself back to the present moment, over and over and over again.

Ingredients:

-Patience
-Kindness
-Curiosity
-Compassion
-Willingness
-Playfulness
-Intention

Directions:
1. Set the intention to pause and notice. 2. Focus on the breath. 3. Notice what's happening in this moment: What do you feel? What sensations are you experiencing? What can you hear? What are you thinking? 4. Remain curious and accepting of whatever it is you are aware of. 5. Allow it to be just as it without needing to change anything and quietly observe with curiosity.

Next time you notice a craving, I invite you to pause and notice, become aware and see what you find. I'd love to hear about your experience!

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The Gift of Emotional Eating

11/19/2014

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Is it possible that your challenges with eating have a beautiful gift to offer you? I know, I know, it sounds crazy because emotional eating causes internal turmoil. I've been there, I do know. I lived with the shame of binge eating. It is not fun. It feels hopeless. It feels like failure. It feels like you're defective because you can't get a handle on it. I've lived it, I am very familiar with the prison of it. AND, I am free from that prison and I know the way out!!

What I learned in my own process was that there is a magic wand called curiosity. Go ahead, take this wand I now offer you. Feel it in your hand. Now go back to the last time you overate (like, this morning :) and feel how you felt once the guilt and shame set in. Notice the thoughts you are thinking like, 'I failed again. I'll never get this right. What's wrong with me? I'm hopeless. I'm disgusting. I hate myself. Why can't I just do what I say I'm going to do? Look at me, I'm fat and now I just got fatter. I'm worthless.' Do any of those thoughts sound familiar? They came right from me when I used to live this cycle. Those are the thoughts I'd think day in and day out, that were running my life, but that I was largely consciously unaware of.

I invite you to write the thoughts down. Now, I know this is not easy because these are probably things you have tried really hard to ignore, or numb out or not feel! But, be brave, see if you can write them down. As you do, take notice of what's happening in your body. Where do you feel the feelings you have around what you are noticing? See if you can just notice without judging yourself for feeling how you really feel. I know, harder said than done!

When I was in the midst of living this cycle, my friend and teacher, JP Sears, taught me a life-altering concept. He taught me that those thoughts I think after binging hold the golden key to my transformation. Now, I was in the depths of my darkness and I was willing to try anything that made sense to get my ticket to pass go and move into the light again. So, armed with my new power tool in my tool kit, errrr...wand in my hand, I sort of looked forward to my next binge. I wanted to see what came up. I wanted to get curious about what I noticed. Once I did, I was able to see what I really believed but was hiding from.

These are usually beliefs that we don't want to discover, so we eat, or drink or over-exercise or gamble. We are escape-aholics and we are very clever to find so many ways to escape what's not pleasurable. But, what we resist, persists. There is really no way out but to face these beliefs and befriend them. The only other option is to run from them and that will show up in all kinds of self-sabotaging behaviors. It's as though we are swimming through the ever changing waters of life with a bunch of beach balls, attempting to keep them all under water, and inevitably they keep popping up to hit us in the face. As long as we try to keep them under the surface, they'll zap our life-force energy and cause dis-ease in our lives. Through the use of the magic wand of curiosity about where these beliefs came from, how these beliefs have served us in our lives and curiosity about how we might begin to believe new beliefs that serve us rather than defeat us, we have taken the first major step in healing and releasing these beliefs. And as we befriend, instead of run from them, they lose their power in our lives.

There are a few modalities I've found very helpful for doing this. I personally worked with a Holistic Coach and used EFT (tapping) as well as Heart-Centered Therapies to find and heal these hidden beliefs that were running my life. We were not born on a deserted island and I believe that the work of heart healing involves being in the presence of another compassionate human that can help us see our blocks and heal them.

I now invite you into the possibility that your emotional or disordered eating is a true gift waiting to be unwrapped and cherished, the doorway to your healing on a deep level. This will change everything!

If this is something you are ready to get curious about, one of my favorite books on healing from out-of-order eating is Eating in the Light of the Moon, by Anita Johnston, PhD.

Copyright 2014, Maria Rippo

Maria Rippo is a Holistic Coach and Hypnotherapist. She works with clients to find and heal the hidden beliefs that hold them back from thriving.

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Are You an Emotional Eater? Quiz...

10/23/2014

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Are you an emotional eater?

Through my own healing process of emotional eating, I learned that until I was willing to call it what it was, there was no chance for me to overcome it. If we want to exercise those nasty craving demons, we must first name them. So, be brave, faithful warrior, this questionnaire is for YOU if you are ready to step into the truth of who YOU are and courageously meet yourself right in the depths of the shadowy things you've been hiding from, because that’s how you are going to come alive! Know that you are not alone because it’s been found that 70% of us are emotional eaters!

This quiz is from the book, Trim-Life: Diets Don't Work, the Power of the Mind Does, by Dianne Zimberoff. If you'd like to know more about Trim Life, click here.

Do you constantly think about food or your next opportunity to eat?

Have you made mistakes at work or school because you were thinking of binging on food?

Do you spend too much money on food?

Do you plan your day around getting food?

Do you have a need to binge after a period of time when you could not eat?

Do you finish before everyone else or feel like you inhale your food?

Do you eat your food in a ritualistic manner?

Do you go to the store for one thing and come out with extra?

Have you ever eaten something that normally you would find disgusting: stale cookie, something you’ve put in the garbage, a still-frozen pizza or pie?

Do you hide food in the house, drawers, your car, your desk?

Have you ever made excuses for overeating?

Have you lied about how much or how little food you had eaten?

Do you get angry if someone comments on your eating or weight?

Have you become verbally abusive or avoidant with family or friends because of their comments about your weight or food?

Do you see yourself as thinner or heavier than others see you?

Do you feel confused when over- or under-eating?

If you feel fat, do you think that you are no good?

Have you been embarrassed by someone catching you binging, purging or throwing away your food?

Have you stopped eating/fasted for two days or more to control eating/lose weight?

Have your values been compromised?

Have you experienced an increased tolerance for over-eating, i.e., does it take more and more to satisfy you?

Do you experience periods when you cannot stop eating except by interruption or sleep?

Have you tried several weight loss/food control methods or diets?

Have others expressed concerns about your eating, weight or behaviors around food?

Have you experienced the shakes, tremors, feeling as though you may pass out?

If you eat sugar or carbohydrate foods, do you crave more?

Have you ever put food (getting or avoiding it) before a friend, spouse or child?

Can you think back to times as a child or now when food seemed like a friend or enemy?

Have you identified an emotional emptiness that seems to get bigger each time you over-eat?

Do you feel shame about your eating or not eating?

Do you go through drive-throughs so people won’t see you or go to different places so you won’t be recognized?

Do you experience a ‘high’ when you eat?

Have you been unaware of finishing an entire container of something until after it was all gone?

Are there times when you hate your body or parts of your body?

Have you wished that you would die to end the circle of eating and dieting?

Is it difficult or impossible for you to leave food on your plate?

If there is something in the house that you enjoy eating, do you think about it so much that you finally have to eat it?

Do you feel as if food controls you, rather than the other way around?

Have you ever or do you now binge and throw up?

I am not going to tell you that if you answered yes to ten questions, you, my dear are an emotional eater. No, I think these questions are powerful and simply by reflecting on them and dropping down into your body to notice what you feel as you read them and you'll know if emotional eating is eating you. Do you feel 'caught', shame, sadness, hopeless? And if you think your answer is yes, consider working with a coach or other expert who can help you overcome it. Take it from me, you can heal your life and you can have a healthy relationship with food and your body!

I offer complimentary consultations. Please reach out if it feels right for you. I'd love to connect with beautiful you! Make your appointment here.

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Author

Hi, I'm Maria. I practice hypnotherapy and holistic coaching specializing in emotional eating, addictions, depression, anxiety and PTSD. I LOVE what I do! One of my goals is to be in the Guinness Book of World Records for doing headstands in the most places around the globe! I have a love affair with butter and red wine and all REAL food Mother Earth lovingly provides her inhabitants. I collect recipes, hoard books, scavenge for heart rocks and go totally crazy when my 4 kids try to talk to me all at once. My favorite pastime is witnessing people realize the miracles in every moment and reminding myself to do the same. I love silence. I am a lover, a mystic, seeker of the Divine, a Warrior of Light, Alchemist. Welcome!

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Mindfulness Practice for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Am I Codependent?

Alive and Full of Life Guided Visualization for Healthy Habits

Eliminate Cravings with Amino Acids

Ready to Make a Shift? Begin with Noticing...

Recipe for Practicing Awareness

The Gift of Emotional Eating

Are You an Emotional Eater? Quiz...

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