Category: Mindfulness

Make Change with Beginner's Mind

3/26/2017

Do you struggle with resistance? Do you want to release weight, exercise, feel more energetic, but sabotage any efforts toward these goals? Well, if you are human, you're answer will be a resounding "yes." Anytime we try to make changes, the first thing we will encounter is resistance to that change. This is rooted in our survival wiring. In the past, belonging to a tribe was necessary for survival and so, conformity to that tribe was also integral for us. Changing was a threat to our survival.

Today, it isn't but to our ego, it feels as if it is. Anything we try to do that goes against the core beliefs of our ego identity, will cause resistance. The ego prefers familiarity and works hard to keep us in the status quo, not taking any risks, staying small and safe. So, let's say the ego feels that it is dangerous for you to be all you truly are... anything you do that brings you closer to your light and truth, will be vehemently resisted by your ego. In our world, often it truly isn't safe to be the "greatness" that we are. People are threatened by our greatness. So, we often stay small and feel afraid to change. We get the emotional need of belonging met by staying the same.

So, how to do we get past the inevitable resistance of change? What I have found to be helpful is a concept called 'Beginner's Mind.' You see, when you try to make a change, and then you resist it and do the opposite, you get discouraged and feel like a failure, right? What I have found for myself is that if I get rid of the failure/success mindset and instead, put on "Beginner's Mind," eventually, the changes begin to happen naturally as I allow myself to begin again and again and again in order to find out what will work for me. I have found that as I get older, my Self is less and less willing to make shifts that don't work for me or feel in any way depriving or restrictive.

Beginner's mind is a useful strategy that can help us make changes much more easily. The idea behind this strategy is that you take all of the things you know--all of your brilliant opinions, all of your reason and logic, even your cherished beliefs--and you put all this stuff on the shelf for awhile. (Now, mind you, it will all still be there safe and sound when you get back!)

The idea of beginner's mind is that you temporarily set all this aside, on purpose, for a little while, and just go ahead and do whatever it is you are trying to do, a little at a time--no matter how illogical, or insignificant, or meaningless it may seem to be--merely so that you can see what your experience is and just be present for whatever you experience, the resistance, the urge to do the opposite, the challenge of it all, the joy of doing it, the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, the body sensations, just be with what is and experience it as though you are a little child experiencing something for the very first time. Be curious, that is all that is required.

When I was resisting exercise in a big way, instead of giving in totally to the resistance, one day, I put my exercise clothes on and drove to the gym. I sat in the parking lot for a bit and then left. That was my experience that day. The next time I was much less resistant to getting that far and I went into the gym for a little while. I sat in the sauna and then left. I played with my resistance. Soon, it felt so good to get to the gym. I still play with this resistance often, but it is easier. I have experienced enough of the reward of feeling good that it is more often that I do some yoga, go for a walk or get to the gym. I like to move my body and if I don't, I feel pain, so now I am more consistent. But I always use Beginner's Mind. It seems to release all that resistance!!

And whenever I find myself back in the resistance (it will happen!!), because I don't see it as failure, I just begin again, again and again and again. And that my friends, is life!!

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach working towards her Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at [email protected].

Interested in working with me? Make a complimentary consultation appointment here http://www.mariarippo.com/book-an-appointment.html

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How to Make a Big Change in One Minute or Less

10/19/2016

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   If you are like me, change feels overwhelming, like, you have to change everything to change anything. Do you feel like making changes means not having fun, deprivation, restriction? I'm Maria and I'm a self-sabotage researcher. Most of my research is done in the field, if you know what I mean... I am my own best research subject.

   There is so much that goes into changing, but it does not have to feel arduous and depriving. I imagine you're already all too familiar with the pain of staying the same, right? So, here's the deal. Discomfort is going to happen either way. But, what if change meant only being uncomfortable for one minute at a time, could you handle that?

   You see, our brains have a quality known as plasticity. That means they can change. Our habits create neural grooves like water running in one direction might create a stream or a river. If we want to divert that stream or river, we can, but we have to redirect the water. Change involves learning new skills, healing old belief patterns and having lots of courage and... one minute.

   Ok, are you curious? Here's the deal. Anytime you try to do anything that goes against your belief system about yourself, resistance is going to come alive. When I have tried to give up coffee, instead of giving it up, somehow I find myself drinking twice as much. You with me? Trying to give it up doesn't work so well for me. So, what I found to be effective is to invite the resistance. Get to know it. Befriend it. Welcome it. And get curious about it. Watch it. Get intimate with resistance instead of resisting the resistance.

   In the past, when I'd give up coffee and all of sudden realize I'm drinking more than I was before I tried to give it up, I'd use that as ammunition against my own self, "See, you can't get anything right. You are just incapable. You moron." Sound familiar? Well, this only drove me deeper into my shame.

   What I've learned to do instead is to take a one minute mindfulness 'retreat.' I take one step back and watch the whole process. Instead of believing those voices and burying myself in a gallon of despair (chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream), I can observe what is going on. It can be quite funny. I have actually caught myself in a dialogue with food. I have given food an actual voice. Damn, food is seductive! It would relentlessly call my name and seduce me into believing it was my salvation. And I'd fall right back in love, every.single.time, like an abused spouse, believing my abuser was really going to change this time, only to emerge bruised and broken one more time, and another, and another and another...

   I used to punish myself after one of these episodes. "You can't have anything that you enjoy now. You are going off coffee, wine, chocolate, sugar, carbs, cooked food..." And I'd actually do that. I'd deprive myself right into total obsession with food where I couldn't think a thought that wasn't a fantasy about having everything I'd kept myself from eating. I'd also spend so much time creating all this amazing raw-food goodness. If I weren't thinking about it, I was spending time preparing it. ALL.OF.MY.TIME. This is called, NOT LIVING. I mean, imagine what could happen if I put all that time into creating my big life?

   So, I began to observe it all. Honestly, it was a shit show! I began hearing how mean I actually was to myself. If I talked to anyone else that way, they'd run and never, ever want to talk to me again. So, instead of running from those voices, I began taking a minute, just one, and observing all of them and actually welcoming them. I began to realize that the voices I heard after my episodes of perceived failure were the keys to unlock the door to the change I wanted to experience.

   The thing is, when we decide to make a change, we are often stuck in black and white thinking. At first, maybe change is fun. But then doom and gloom set in and we go back to our ingrained habits, the old neural pathways still strong, (and by the way, change never feels fun to me. The second I decide to change is the second I start doing much more of the thing I set out to stop doing). The minute we go back, we feel we've ruined it all and we might as well throw in the towel. And then that voice sings its usual song, "You idiot. You should not have even tried. What's wrong with you? Why even try? You're such a loser." And so our old, comfortable ways rock us back into the illusion that staying the same is just easier.

But if you have a minute, you can interrupt this pattern. There is a technical term for this one minute adventure. It's called the PAUSE. In that pause lies the key to your healing. Listen to the voices. They are the voices of your wounding and in order for you to move beyond this cycle, that shame must be healed. Underneath this shame is the truth of who you are. You are already whole, acceptable, lovable, capable, worthy, deserving and perfect just the way you are.

   What purpose does this shame serve? It is there to keep you safe and small, free from taking any risks and it's biggest tactic is keeping the status quo. So, every time you try to change, this 'safety' is threatened and the security guard in the watchtower sees change as a threat to your survival and calls in the army of shame to keep you from making one more move! This is the survival mechanism's intelligence at work. You see, in times past, if you were not a member of a tribe, you could not survive. So, you had to conform to the ways of the tribe in order to be a part of them. Change threatened your very survival. Although connection and belonging is a survival need still and we very much need to belong and feel connected, our physical survival is not longer dependent on this and we are now free to be who we are, believe our own beliefs and live freely. So, we invite this tactic to do it's thing, and we step back and we observe it!

   In doing so, we begin to dis-identify with our shame-self, false self or what I like to call, The Faults Self (the part of us that believes in all of our 'faults') and heal those shame beliefs on a subconscious level. Until then, anything that threatens the validity of those beliefs will be met with resistance, you will sabotage your efforts and your shame will be validated, by you and you'll be at the bottom of that gallon of despair before one minute is up.

Something else to consider observing in this minute is what this change means to you. And what the current behavior means to you. What does replacing this behavior with a different one mean to you? What would be different for you if you made this change? What does it feel like to experience a new behavior? What does it feel like to keep acting out this behavior. Just be curious. What happens when we are curious instead of critical is that we can begin to respond, rather than react. We give ourselves a little time between the thought of doing something and actually doing it and the magic begins to happen in this pause.

Let's try this together!

I'd love to hear your thoughts if you try this. Comment below to share your experience!

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach working towards her Master's degree in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at [email protected].

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Mindfulness Practice for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

6/12/2016

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      Overcoming self-sabotage and resistance to change is about connecting with what is really happening in our lives that the sabotage is distracting us from. The real purpose of self-sabotaging behaviors are to prevent us from feeling the discomfort of our emotions.

     Our inner saboteur is the wounded part of us that works to protect us at all times. Its motivation is the avoidance of pain. It gets the illusion of power through having a sense of control at all costs. When we find ourselves sabotaging, we might ask the question, "What is it that makes me feel powerless, helpless, out of control and with no choices?" And, "How does this behavior keep me from having to feel how I really feel?"

     We don’t live in a culture that promotes the identification, expression and processing of our emotions. When it comes to disordered eating behavior, Dr. Anita Johnston explains it this way,

     Disordered eating thoughts and behaviors are, by design, created to distract us from emotions that seem too painful, too overwhelming, too complicated, or too frightening to deal with directly. As awful as it may be to “feel fat”, it can sometimes be easier to keep those feelings at bay by focusing on body weight, by stuffing them down with food, by distracting ourselves with calorie counting, or by exercising excessively -- if we don’t know how to allow the full force of uncomfortable emotions to flow through us.

     We live in an emotionally illiterate culture where very few of us are taught how to experience our feelings with ease. It is often difficult for us to simply BE with our feelings so they can pass on their own accord. It is even more difficult to express them in a way that honors how we really feel -- while simultaneously honoring the feelings and perceptions of others with whom we might be in conflict. So is it any wonder we would gravitate to whatever might distract us from our uncomfortable emotions? Is it any wonder that we would develop thoughts and behaviors that keep difficult feelings hidden – from ourselves and from others?

     Food obsessions and disordered eating behaviors are very effective at keeping disconcerting emotions that arise from current situations or from painful memories out of our awareness. That is their function. The relief they provide, however, is only temporary, because if we continuously place our attention on thoughts about food, fat, and dieting without recognizing they are Red Herrings, those real problems to which our emotional guidance system is trying alert us never get revealed – and, consequently, never get resolved.

       In order to become aware of and feel our feelings, the practice of mindfulness is very effective. This is something you can do on your own, in the moment when you notice the urge to sabotage or notice resistance to making changes. Whenever you decide to try something other than what you’ve been doing, resistance will come alive. It is normal and it is not a sign of your incapability to change, or your defectiveness. It is simply your survival mechanism, working hard to prevent you from feeling discomfort. Change is not comfortable, so there is a part of you that will push back…every time. So, we want to learn to work with the pushback instead of seeing the resistance as proof we ought not make the change we want to make.

        How do we do this? According to John Kabat-Zinn, “The cultivation of mindfulness (is) a radical act ̶ a radical act of sanity, of self-compassion, and, ultimately, of love.” Mindfulness is “becoming aware of what is on our minds from moment to moment, and of how our experience is transformed when we do.” “It involves finding, recognizing, and making use of that in us which is already okay, already beautiful, already whole by virtue of our being human ̶ and drawing upon it to live our lives as if it really mattered how we stand in relationship to what arises, whatever it is.” Kabat-Zinn explains that our perceptions affect the amount of energy that we have to put into making choices about where to use that energy. For example, if we feel completely overwhelmed in life and that the efforts we are making aren’t really making a difference, this can lead to feelings of “inadequacy, depression and helplessness.” Everything feels out of our control so we end up becoming apathetic and give up even wanting to try. He explains that each of us experiences the ‘full catastrophe of life.’ This includes “crisis and disaster, the unthinkable and the unacceptable, but it also includes all the little things that go wrong and that add up.” Mindfulness helps us embrace the full catastrophe so that it doesn’t destroy us or rob us of our power or hope. Instead, using mindfulness, these experiences can strengthen us, and offer us the opportunity to heal and grow.

     When it comes to self-sabotage, for me, the most important step in the mindfulness process is the noticing. This is where the practice begins. We set an intention to notice the urge to participate in the self-sabotaging behavior. Once this feels comfortable, we then notice the urge and then pause. The magic for me starts here, with the noticing and the pause. It seems such a simple concept, but in reality, this is exactly the part that part of you is going to resist. In the pause, you will hear the voice campaign. If you’ve seen The Matrix, for me, the voices are the ‘agents,’ doing everything in their power to create fear and to keep us asleep to reality, keep us stuck in the status quo of familiarity.

     So, in the pause, begin to listen. What are the voices telling you? Write it down. Notice what they say, without judgment, as though you are just a reporter, stating the facts. And then, notice what you feel in your body. What sensations do you notice? Is there tightness in your chest, heaviness in your gut, constriction in your throat? What is happening in your body? Again, simply notice without judgment. If you notice judgment such as shame, guilt, fear, just notice that as well. And now begin to notice what emotions you feel. Are you sad, lonely, afraid, angry, hurt, ashamed, guilty? Again, just noticing the qualities of these emotions and allowing yourself to be with them without trying to change them or make them go away. Just simply acknowledging that they are there. Notice any blame you might have of yourself or others. Again, no judgment, just noticing. And now, notice what it is that you need. So often, when my clients do this exercise, they are feeling an empty and never-ending black hole inside of them. I'm familiar with that place as well. Maybe we all feel this? An intense emptiness. A deep longing for connection. A yearning desire to matter, that someone cares, to feel included, to be understood, to be noticed, seen and heard. Whatever your preferred method of sabotage is, the behavior or substance may feel like the only thing that is reliably there. There is a never-ending grasping for a nurturing that it can never truly give. This must come into the awareness if one is to move beyond the sabotaging behaviors.

      There is a saying, “What we think about, we bring about,” or “what we focus on expands.” So, the next step in this process would be to redirect the attention. If we sit and think about how chocolate is the only thing that will make me feel better right now, eventually, that belief will win out and chocolate or ___________, will be had and soon, we will be right back where we began, with an even deeper sense of defeat.

      So, this is where the intentional thought shifting practice comes into importance if change is the desired outcome. This may not be appropriate at the beginning as self-sabotage, in my experience, has been serving an important purpose of numbing the pain of life. So, we often need a lot of support in this process. If you find that you try this technique, or any of the others offered here and you continue in your behaviors, for me, that is a sign that your pain is deep and intense and it would be best to do this with a trained professional such as a hypnotherapist, who will be able to hold sacred space for you as you navigate the healing process.

            As one becomes comfortable with the noticing, and then the pausing and the non-judgmental, mindful awareness of what is happening in the moment, then it may be appropriate to practice the redirecting of attention. This simply involves intentionally moving yourself somewhere else and placing your thoughts on something other than the behavior that sabotages your goals. You can shift your thoughts to what you do want in your life and choose an activity that brings you closer to experiencing that. I had to physically leave my house many times for a couple hours, until the desire to sabotage settled. This was very helpful! I tended to eat when I wasn’t hungry and really didn’t even know what physical hunger felt like. So, I’d leave my house and take my kids to the park, go for a walk, go shopping, get together with a friend (and not eat), etc…and wait until I could feel physical hunger before I ate. Redirecting attention is simply shifting your awareness away from your substance or behavior of sabotage choice. Physically move away from the situation, and put your focus elsewhere. I’ve heard it said, “Your mind is a terrible master, but a wonderful servant.” Only by mindful observation, can we take charge of where our thoughts are, rather than being controlled by and believing their illusions.

            It is a well-known fact that we often need to hit rock bottom before we are inspired to move from surviving to thriving. We have to get sick and tired of being sick and tired which is the catalyst for a new experience. The saboteur is in pain. Pain is the catalyst for healing. In order to heal self-sabotaging behavior, what if feeling and processing the pain is paramount?

Sources:

Light of the Moon Café, www.lightofthemooncafe.com, Dr. Anita Johnston.

Full-Catastrophe Living: Using the Wisdom of Your Body and Mind to Face Stress, Pain and Illness, John Kabat-Zinn.

Maria Rippo is a Transformational Healing & Wellness practitioner with an online as well as a local practice in Bothell, WA. She is an Advanced Clinical Hypnotherapist and Holistic Coach working towards her Master's and PsyD in Transpersonal Psychology, but mostly, she is a human trying to figure out how to navigate this thing called life. This article Copyright 2016 by Maria Rippo, all right reserved. To replicate or use any portion of this article, please do so in its entirety including this text or contact the author at [email protected].

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Ready to Make a Shift? Begin with Noticing...

4/12/2016

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     For me, when I’m learning a new habit, integrating the new habit is not always the most challenging part.

     Often, pressing the ‘pause’ button, to notice when I go toward the old habit, is the most challenging part. Often, when I’m teaching a client to ask themselves, “Am I Hungry?,” before they eat (just to find out if they are actually physically hungry, or if they are just craving to eat) the first thing we work on, the first week, is the noticing: noticing when the urge to eat hits, noticing the hunger level, noticing the thoughts at the moment that urge comes, noticing the feelings and emotions. For me, the magic is in the noticing.

In my own experience, this is also the most frustrating step, because after all, those darn habits are so habitual that I can be halfway through an old habit pattern before my conscious awareness even realizes it!!

     You see, our habits exist in our subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is like a tape recorder. It records our thoughts and beliefs and plays them over and over and over. Those thoughts and beliefs become actions and repetitive actions become habits. It doesn’t stop to decide whether an action is good or bad. It functions automatically. The subconscious part of your mind is operating whenever you are doing any kind of activity that you’ve done many times such as driving a car or getting dressed in the morning. And thank goodness because can you imagine if every time you went to take a shower it were as if you’d never done it before? What if you had to think, “OK, now put your hand out. Next, open the shampoo bottle. Now turn it upside down and squeeze it?” We rely very much on the subconscious mind. I invite you to think of the subconscious mind like a garden and you are the gardener. The seeds that we plant in it are our thoughts that we think repetitively. Those repetitive thoughts and beliefs lead to our repetitive behaviors.

One way that we can interrupt a repetitive pattern is to bring awareness to it, to notice it.

  I like to think of curiosity and awareness as the ‘magic wand’ of transformation and change. So, when you are beginning your journey of moving beyond a habit that no longer serves you, begin with noticing. Then move to curiosity. Allow yourself time and give yourself lots of grace. If you find you are halfway through (or all the way, for that matter) a habit before you notice what you are doing, it’s ok, just notice, without judgment and allow yourself to be human. Set your intention to notice sooner the next time. And soon, you’ll be noticing the urge to participate in the habit and this is where the magic really begins!

Non-judgmental awareness … noticing … is transformative on so many levels.

     And if a part of you is resistant to the noticing, allow yourself to be willing to notice. Or, go further and allow yourself to be willing, to be willing, to be willing to notice. Start where you are. If you are resistant, try setting an intention to notice and become curious about the resistance. What does it feel like? What are your thoughts? Where is it in your body? Is there an emotion you can sense? What might it say if it had a voice? What is it that I am truly hungry for? What do I want from this habit that it really can’t give to me? What would I have to feel if I didn't engage in this habit right now? How is this habit serving me? How is not serving me? What might happen if you simply welcomed the resistance and sent love to the part of you that is resisting, and just start there? Notice what you find without judgment, or if you have judgments, just notice those too. Acknowledge them as judgments rather than truths! Welcome them, all of it, as messengers, here to assist you in the process of your transformation, of allowing your True Essence to shine brightly.

Most importantly, have fun. Curiosity tends to bring a sense of playfulness and that's a good thing!

   So, how does resistance and self-sabotage show up for you? What have you found helpful? Comment below. I'd love to hear from you!

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Recipe for Practicing Awareness

2/7/2016

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Why would we want to practice awareness and what is it? The reason I practice awareness is that it brings me to the present moment. When I'm not in the present moment, aware of what is, I am believing a story about "I'm not enough, I can't, I shouldn't...." and a myriad of other stories that keep me where I don't want to be. When I practice awareness, I become an observer of my stories rather than the leading role in them. As long as I believe my stories, change won't happen.

What I love so much about awareness is that it causes me to be much kinder to myself, rather than critical. It helps me be curious, rather than self-crucifying. It gives me permission to practice and not be attached to 'getting it right,' but instead being ok with whatever I'm observing and patiently bringing myself back to the present moment, over and over and over again.

Ingredients:

-Patience
-Kindness
-Curiosity
-Compassion
-Willingness
-Playfulness
-Intention

Directions:
1. Set the intention to pause and notice. 2. Focus on the breath. 3. Notice what's happening in this moment: What do you feel? What sensations are you experiencing? What can you hear? What are you thinking? 4. Remain curious and accepting of whatever it is you are aware of. 5. Allow it to be just as it without needing to change anything and quietly observe with curiosity.

Next time you notice a craving, I invite you to pause and notice, become aware and see what you find. I'd love to hear about your experience!

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Author

Hi, I'm Maria. I practice hypnotherapy and holistic coaching specializing in emotional eating, addictions, depression, anxiety and PTSD. I LOVE what I do! One of my goals is to be in the Guinness Book of World Records for doing headstands in the most places around the globe! I have a love affair with butter and red wine and all REAL food Mother Earth lovingly provides her inhabitants. I collect recipes, hoard books, scavenge for heart rocks and go totally crazy when my 4 kids try to talk to me all at once. My favorite pastime is witnessing people realize the miracles in every moment and reminding myself to do the same. I love silence. I am a lover, a mystic, seeker of the Divine, a Warrior of Light, Alchemist. Welcome!

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Make Change with Beginner's Mind

How to Make a Big Change in One Minute or Less

Mindfulness Practice for Overcoming Self-Sabotage

Ready to Make a Shift? Begin with Noticing...

Recipe for Practicing Awareness

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