For me, it is so important to bring awareness to what is really happening when you binge. Not judgment at all, but awareness.
I'm curious, what might happen if instead of saying you are going to consciously binge, such as, 'Tonight I'll eat everything in the refrigerator, freezer and pantry:) and tomorrow I'll start being 'good.', maybe try,
I am going to consciously numb myself with food today. I am going to use it as a drug so I don't feel what I know is there. I choose not to feel myself today. This has nothing to do with the food, it is only my drug of choice for today. I am consciously choosing to use food as a drug. This will make me feel really good for a time. It will cause my body to
release serotonin, the feel-good chemical. I want to feel good, if only temporarily and I consciously choose to feel good today and feel worse tomorrow so I'll probably have to find a way to numb myself then as well. This will increase my anxiety, my sense of boredom, all of what I feel now will be magnified tomorrow. I am consciously becoming unconscious. This food will put me in a hypnotic state so I can pretend I feel other than I feel about my life, about myself.
I truly do not intend this as a way for you to heap shame upon shame or judge
yourself. I just know that self honesty is the most important part of
overcoming. When we look at the food as the issue, it is only a distraction from
what we are truly feeling. If we focus on the food, we don't heal. The food is
simply an opportunity to wake up more, to wake up to who we truly are and how
we are experiencing life, to become whole.
When you binge, you have not failed. You are simply a human, a real, magnificent,
light-filled, beautiful human. And like all humans, you are seeking pleasure and
contentment because you feel you are missing it. Food, though, can't bring
that to you long term. It' can only bring you further away from it. Know that your
worth has nothing to do with your eating habits.
Find your dream and go after it. Immersing yourself in your dream will change
everything! Change things up in a healthy way. Maybe you can find some great healthy
treats that you allow yourself even daily. I eat something 'treatish' almost
daily. I really need it, but b/c I allow it when I want it (and I binged enough
times to feel the ICK of it) as well as practicing self awareness so I FEEL my body
and how it feels when I choose to overindulge, I don't overindulge anymore (well,
maybe not never and I'm sure there are plenty of other ways I trick myself that I am
unaware of, but I feel much calmer around food than I used to.) I also brought
truth-filled awareness to why I was drugging myself with overeating. This took a while
for me, to be sure! It is a process, so be patient with your selves, young Jedi's:)
Our binging is our very potent teacher. Look for the lesson, look for
what it is here to show you about yourself that you don't already know. It helps
you feel yourself, feel alive. What other ways can you begin to feel alive that
won't leave you anxious, depressed, chomping at the bit? It is not right or
wrong or good or bad to binge. Notice your judgments about it. Notice how you
have become the critical parent to yourself and then accept yourself anyway. Notice
that part of you needs to bring this drama of overeating into your life because it is
serving a part of you that has not yet learned to be loved and treated with compassion. In
some way, it is keeping a part of you feeling safe. Binging is a beautiful opportunity to
heal. Know that you are EXACLTY where you are meant to be in this moment and hiding
this part of yourself only makes the binging more necessary. What if you simply befriended this
part of yourself that thinks it is caring for you by leading you to temporary pleasure so you
don't feel your pain? Now, take a deep breath!
Interested in learning more? Consider being on my FR*EE call on Wednesday, September 4 at 5pm PST.
I'll be talking more about how to kick those cravings to the curb so you can start living!
You can register and get all the details here.